Mixed Feelings

Of all the things I do and try to be, provider shouldn't be one of them. I've just always had this compulsion to have to take care of myself and provide for my family (life kinda compounded that when we've suffered loss of employment in the past and when the market tanked and Real Estate went bust... you gotta do something to help right?).

So I've done what I know how to do and that's make stuff. I have sold jewelry, made knick knacks done all I can to bring in a little extra income. Half of my materials are free or found anyway. I was really lucky a couple of years ago to find a seller for my stuff. Unfortunately last night I got the call:

"I hate to make this Phone call, I've tried moving your stuff all around the store, but it's just not selling. Can you come get your stuff?"

It wasn't a mean phone call, the owner I think really didn't want to make that phone call... we really wanted to help eachother. Things just didn't work out.

But I've got this sad sick little feeling. I can't help, I lost my avenue. Sure I could probably scout out another one but these gigs never last long. The market for jewelry and homemade stuff is so volatile and everyone is doing it. EVERYONE. I'm just a little dissapointed.

At the same time I know that my attention has been divided into teeny tiny slivers. I just don't have time to keep up the work. I apologized to the owner about that even. I feel like a stray dog that just pops in with stuff every once in a while and has a chat then you don't see me again until I make it back the next time. So I have this feeling like maybe I know, that this is God saying it's time to stop focusing on that and worrying about getting my stuff someplace. If I have time, great. I'll probably try to sell some of my items on Etsy, but it can't be a focus. My way is being cleared for something else, I just don't know what it is.

The good news is it looks like Real Estate is picking up for Phil a little bit. We have 2 good strong leads from good friends. Hopefully God will bless us and them and help us move them into places that they LOVE!

But until then I have mixed feelings, a little sad, a little hopeful, a little stressed and a little blessed.