Parent Payback Hell

Dear mom,

      Do you remember all those times you had to wake me up early because I didn't finish my homework on time the night before? Do you remember all those ridiculously late nights I spent cramming, writing, and stressing in middle and high school? I do... but probably not in the same way you do.

     See, I just discovered my payback hell. Parents joke about it all the time: "You just wait until you have a kid that acts like you... then you'll understand." Sure, there were some things that terrified me about my youth... but I thought I was a pretty good kid. I didn't consider how rough it could be dealing with the homework completion process.

   It's only 4th grade and my eldest kiddo is having some trouble getting work done on time. We don't have the BEST study space yet, I know because my kid is sitting with me at the same place I do my homework most of the time (you can look back on other recent blog posts to hear how I gripe). But I don't understand how she can sit here for hours and still have so much left at the end of the night. I mean, hell, she doesn't even have a Facebook page to waste time on.  She's not sure where she's losing time either... and this is where we have a problem.

     Twice in the last couple of weeks and several times last spring, I've had to either help her stay up late or get her up early to complete assignments. This is painful for me because I'm either burning the midnight oil myself, or have the exhausted morning hangover of completing homework after everyone else has gone to bed , sometimes after I've been up until 2 in the morning. I'm starting to understand that I don't really have any right to complain. My mom did the same. The only thing I know for sure is my mom wasn't also doing homework into the middle of the night, but she was up earlier every morning than I've ever been, trying to get us all ready for school, dragging my sorry butt out of bed, and making sure everyone had everything in order. (and well, she had to put up with me and I'm pretty horrible in the morning)

    I've got to admit part of me is proud of my kid, she's concerned about getting the work done. We had a little meltdown the other day over the 10 point a day drop in grades for late work. Day 1 of late work you start with an 89; day 2 lateness gets you a 79 and so on. I think after day 4 your get a zero. Poor kid was hung up on getting an automatic 89 so bad that she was in tears. So I had to explain it's not a punishment per se, it's about teaching kids her age to have responsibility for their work... and surely she didn't have to worry about one 89, or one bad grade because she's got a really good average going on. But she begged me to get her up early and that's what I did. She got the work done, no 10 point drop.

Wag of the finger. Don't give me a hard time
about my perfectionist stance.

And for all of you out there who know I'm a perfectionist, you can keep your smart-mouth shut, because I do fail things and I DO turn things in late, and I DO know it's okay to slip up. You just don't make a habit of it!

So we got through the tears and came to an understanding about what it means to get your work done in time and how a couple of late assignments isn't going to wreck her whole life. I also told her this isn't the first or last time this is going to happen. Grown ups are late on turning things in; she's going to do this in middle school, high school, and college.  It just happens!

In fact, I know the story stuck because as I wrote what I consider to be a half-@$$ essay at the last minute last night... I griped out loud "Well, there goes that piece of junk... now we can go to the homecoming game." And after some questioning from my kiddo over why I didn't work on it some more if I thought it was bad... I told her "It's because you guys are my priority tonight, not this essay. Besides I've got a strong average" and she cut in and said "so , then it's okay because it's not going to hurt you too bad."

Yep. Priorities. Sometimes it's family, sometimes it's sleep... sometimes you HAVE to get that work done and have to get the grade. But the lesson is ultimately about responsibility, that's all they're trying to teach. For being in 4th grade, I think my kid is starting to get a good sense of it. I just have to help keep her from being neurotic about it :)

And P.S. sorry mom. This totally sucks. I can't believe this is only the beginning of late nights and early mornings for these guys!