Don't Give Up Until You Get There

      I tried very hard for a long time to blow up my life because I couldn't give up but didn't want to keep going. It created an odd cycle: the more I believed I had to "run in front of the train" to get things to stop... the harder I had to work to keep going.

So I never stopped.

     My attempt at becoming a train wreck, made me stronger... and years later, when I was a more emotionally rounded and mature individual, I realized that I had always had some crazy perseverance or survival instinct and that I now needed to use those powers to my advantage not my destruction. Growing up is often a ridiculous process isn't it?


      Maybe it's because this cycle was my own personal hell, that I attract others going through the same. I wanted to help them understand the process of improvement, so I tried to figure out when I finally understood what to do next instead of whining at the world about my lack of opportunity or my shitty life or endless troubles... but I just can't pinpoint it. I know it coincided with my decision to go back to school. I know that the decision to change my life was made before I committed to finishing my BA, and the conviction I had in obtaining my degree was the result of it. Having that goal with a laissez-faire attitude on the time frame of completion really allowed me to enjoy the process. So this is the 9-step breakdown to changing your life based on my decisions to move on with mine:

1) Set a goal. The goal can't be something vague like "I want to be happy and rich," it has to be something specific. In my case it was "finish my degree with minor." This has to be a decision close to your heart, or a regret you need to close. In my case, I regretted not finishing my BA and was excited about the possibility of finally doing it.

2) Make a time frame. Or don't. I knew if I jumped into a full course load with 2 kids, a marriage and other obligations that I wouldn't learn anything and I would quickly become frustrated and stop. So I decided to take baby steps. First step, sign up for a non college course (I took Sewing through Continuing Education). Step two, get accepted to University. Step three, take ONE class. And so it began. I keep saying "I'll finish when I finish" but I maintain a steady pace of two to three classes a semester EVERY semester. That's my time frame.

3)Realize your goal will change. I found out the major track that complimented my minor was being terminated. Instead of fighting and stressing about the situation, I decided I would just have to accept what happened.(Acceptance doesn't mean passivity; I have been active in trying to voice interest in the minor program and the return of the major track) Ultimately I can't worry about whether I can get the classes in time and complete my minor. I also ADDED a lot of goals once I was comfortable... still maintaining my direction towards receiving my BA. I'm busy, sometimes stressed, but I'm happy doing all these things (and not worrying about the crap I can't change)

4) Something will make you a hypocrite. You can't take it personal. Years ago, I chided a group of parents for not cooking at home for their kids. I thought I was right... but I also wasn't involved in anything. Once I began working service hours, pursuing things I believed in, and showing my kids the positive side to education and activism, then I slipped and didn't cook at home anymore. It's a hard road getting back on track to do both, and I had to accept the fact that I was kind of a jerk for the judgement I used to pass. Flexible mindset will help you heal yourself, especially when you make a mistake or feel like a hypocrite.

helpless kitty, get up!

5) GET THE HELL UP! You're going to fall. It's going to hurt. You have to get the hell up and get over it. Case in point... last week I was feeling pretty horrible about some opinions and decisions that were thrown my way. I even blogged about it, I was so miserable and depressed. But I didn't have the luxury of wallowing in that for very long, so I got up... brushed myself off and kept going. This week... much better!


6) Pray. Sure a bunch of people will whine about the role of God in all this. You feel abandoned, or don't believe. Well, I personally don't think anything will improve until you find your faith. For me it was a long process. I accepted Christ in 2008 after a long waged battle against Christianity. Once I finally understood faith on my terms and not based on everyone else's, my life seemed to get easier. Call it coincidence if you're a skeptic... but after tithing, praying, and trying to forge a relationship with Jesus, my life improved exponentially. I can't tell you who to pray to (though I hope you can find faith in Jesus like I did), but having faith *period* can improve your life.

an actual momsavang original

7) Don't give up, improvise. This is slightly different than get the hell up. This is part of that process actually. We've been short on money a few times (who hasn't in the last 8 years?!), instead of moping about how we can't make ends meet, I've thrown that survival instinct out there and I've made my own money. From MLM's to homemade crafts for sale at Christmas, yard sales, and even trading goods or services... I've made things work.

Yeah a lot of people do the beading/cooking/sell from home thing now, but not everyone sticks with it. Be an exception... stick with your improvisation, it might become more!


8) Be realistic: expect hard times... but don't let them take you down. Mr. momsavang calls me a pessimist, but I prefer realist. I've already got 5 worst case scenarios in my head before I let an idea even come to the table. It's not so much that I want to see my ideas fail... but figuring out the hard stuff before I get started eliminates a lot of idealistic head and heartache when the time comes. Sure I've been totally surprised by an unexpected scenario before, but that doesn't happen much. Usually I'm prepared for the bad and try to work my butt off to reach the good without fooling myself into believing I've reached it prematurely. Since Mr. momsavang and I don't agree on this, I can't expect anyone else will, so this is an optional step.

9) Be humble. Sure this blog post is all about me and "how I did it." But it's not really. I don't think I'm an expert, a success, or anything special. I think of myself as someone who's going to work hard, and continue to work at success, even if it seems to others I've already achieved it. There's always something to improve on. Besides any time I get a remotely big head about anything, reality generally punches me in the face, reminding me to stay humble.

     So that's my story in pieces... it's my advice to people who may be in the footsteps of my past trying to feel their way around. No path is easy or quick, it takes a lot of energy and often it hurts even when you're doing something amazing. What has changed is simply how I feel about myself. I don't feel the need to have a constant pity party or demand answers or retribution from the world. Taking my life and success into my own hands changed my life. I truly believe I CAN do anything if I only have the time to do it.

     I hope everyone finds their peace in these concepts the way I did.