Losing a family member

As I sit here, my eldest daughter is laying in a living room chair. She's curled up and doesn't want to go to bed. I know why... because the silence is just awful.

As a parent you want to shield your kids from pain. I know this isn't possible, and that's why we must approach life realistically. When you leave too many abrupt and painful surprises, no one is able to handle things very well; so, we have decided to give as much truth to our kids as is age appropriate.

Today, we got the official word that our 10-12 year old dog, Buddy, has lymphoma. His lymphocytes are double what the highest allowed blood level is, and his white blood cell count is high. He's going to die, we just don't know when.

My heart is breaking, we've had him for 7 years... I didn't expect to love a dog, to have him become part of the family this way. I didn't think I was an "animal" person. But this guy just thumped his big ole paws into our hearts. He's practically a person. He is emotional and smart. He pouts; he resolves conflict (usually by sitting on offenders). He is caring and kind. He has always been exceptionally protective. He has never met a human, dog, or beast that he doesn't like (except maybe rats, chipmunks, and bees).

This  special brother, cousin, friend (dog) isn't going to be with us much longer and we had to prepare the kids. So, we told them. My eldest daughter knew right away what it meant. She's experienced a lot of death in her short life. She might not be old enough to remember it all, but she knows that death means missing someone. She sobbed.

My youngest didn't fall into emotion quickly. She was quiet and then asked a lot of questions. She did finally start tearing up a little. There were a lot of hugs, a lot of tears, and sadness still hangs over us (hence the sleeplessness). We'll all probably be red-eyed for a while.

There is this awful realization that when he is no longer here, nothing will be the same. The first thing our youngest said was "who will stop the cats from fighting." Such an innocent and profound thought, capturing his personality and place in this home... a peacemaker.

I don't think we'll ever find a dog like him again... not so well behaved, not so funny, friendly, and amazing. He is one of a kind. I told the kids how lucky we are to have him; how we gave him a better life (he was passed along to us through a chain of friends after his first owners split up). He became happy and comfortable with us, and we in turn became a more compassionate family because of him. I told the girls, we have to appreciate that, and remember that death is simply a part of life; loss is a thing we are ever in danger of facing. What we need to do, what we instructed them to do, is love him and spoil him through his last days. There's a gentleness and respect that naturally comes when we deal with those departing, and I am crying, not because he is dying... but because his loss in our life will be tremendous.

My baby said... "Buddy will go to heaven, though." And while I don't know for sure, though church philosophies differ; I can't help but believe a creature with so human an attitude won't have a place at God's side. Dogs have more faith than we do anyway.

My hope is that we have a little more time with him (we are treating him with 2 weeks of antibiotics), maybe get him well enough to take a walk again. He loves that. Then I pray that he passes quietly with no pain.We have a place picked out for him at the farm already.

It's so important to love, and let your heart be turned to new relationships... even if it's a human/canine relationship. Buddy taught me a lot, and as a human or creature he's a fine example to follow.

Pray for Buddy, pray that we (I) are not emotional wrecks for the next few weeks... and pray that he may feel truly loved and complete before his time is up.