The End, is rarely the end.

I think the semester ended today. Honestly I don't really know.

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borrowed from jamberwave.blogspot.com

Those things haven't really meant much for me this semester. I'm two days ahead or three days behind, I exist by some sort of internal clock alone, and that's a bit spotty. Though I've been striving for anonymity in what I do (because that's the nature of the medium I've been using), I'm under the impression that everyone knows EVERYTHING. I've only just begun to speak up about my involvement in Artbeat (which I was ecstatic to participate in). I'm really proud of what I've been able to accomplish, but it's so important not to break that 4th wall (or that screen, I guess) into the social media world. You just don't gain audience to your cause by being yourself -unless you're George Takei and he does it smashingly!

I've been in some weird hellish disconnect, which often happens at the end of the semester. You want to give up, but you can't yet. You want to check out, but there's that one last paper... until you find ANOTHER last paper.

borrowed from jezebel.com

I haven't kept it a secret that things have been hard. This semester I had a root canal, lots of trouble with my oldest on her homework (Teacher said "*'s work has fallen off since Spring Break. She is not focused on Academics). She read a seventh grade AR book with over 200 pages in a week (and overdue) because it was the only thing we had in the house to fit her school criteria.... and DAMN if that girl didn't pass that AR test! Yet, at the same time she's bringing home failing grades and she's only in third grade.

Then of course we're all floating through the harsh reality that our dog is dying. Every day could be it, and the response from the family is everything from bursting into sobs to mumbling that "I don't want Buddy to die."

My hand was smashed and is still affected, my foot's got something wrong with it now. Extra medical tests popped up that shouldn't have been necessary, and book fair has been a nightmare. Book Fair should have been done a week ago... but of course things never go as they should.

Surveying the damage, I feel like burning my house down and just starting over. Or just declaring that I prefer to be one of those artsy intellectuals and someone else is going to have to clean this &#@% now!

There's nothing that makes stress worse than a mess on top of it all.

This semester will not end as cleanly as others have. I have things lined up in May still related to my projects, as well as into the summer. But as I told my husband, I might have just bumped myself up into the big leagues of projects. I embrace the responsibility, but I'm going to need to get a job so I can hire someone to clean my house. All this makes my goal seem as though they contradict each other. I'll sort it out, but I need a little breather. I need to take stock, get these munchkins on track again. I can't be pursuing my potential and leaving them behind. Not to mention, I'm not sure I even have friends anymore... and if I do, would they even recognize me?! (miss y'all)

I should let my little smarty pants in here to do my finals, of course if she does well I'll never hear the end of it and it will be that much harder to motivate her in forth grade. So wish me luck, wish my project partners god-speed... but most of all wish us tiiiiimmmmeee. Time is something we just don't have enough of, and I've just wasted enough on this blog.

But sometimes you need to do a little nothing, to accomplish a lot of something.

borrowed from meghantelpnerblog.com