Little Things

     My eldest daughter invited me to school lunch the other day. I was having dental work during her lunchtime that day and told her it would have to wait a day or two. Reasonable, right?

     Some where between when she asked me and the dental work causing some intense pain, I watched Courageous with my husband. I do NOT recommend this movie after dental work. I hurt and I cried... and cried... and cried... Because when you get into the middle of this movie and the inevitable tears happen... just when you think you're in the clear they get you worked up again.

     But other than that fact, I highly recommend anyone see this film. It's part of the Christian series that's come out of a Georgia Church over the last few years (remember Fireproof?).

     The biggest impact for me was remembering how fleeting time is. It's hard to be a mom juggling what I do (what we ALL do). I know some of what I do is enriching to my children's lives, but it can also sometimes take away from it. As mom's today know, it's all a horrible, slippery, balancing act that -in truth- we're not going to get right. Should I keep plugging away at my degree knowing that I'm living proof that they need to take education when they are young... proof that it's important? Or should I put it off and dedicate myself to the... eh, cleaning. Do I maintain the French group knowing that exposure to a second language could take them a million places? Or does planning and maintenance take up time I should be taking them around to places they love. Do I play homemaker or help others make homes? Serve my community or serve my family? Can I do it all?

    The way I'm pulling my LIFE time card, I'm somewhere between the slow grinding movements of shoving a boulder along and the instant pain and release of ripping off a band aid. I want to be there for them, but I want to be something for me (and saying that last bit makes me feel a little selfish).

from piccsy.com

    Anyway we're all trying to work it out over here, but no matter what we're TRYING, time is moving along. Time is not something we always have a lot of, and we never know when it might leave us begging for missed moments. That was painfully clear in Courageous and it left me fearing exactly that. Because whether death strikes us unexpectedly (movie spoiler, sorry), or teenage years come and rob us of our sweet babies, we will lose our children for a time. So, even though I told myself... "I don't like clam strips, I have homework to do... I can wait another day..."

 I didn't wait.

     I surprised my big girl at school, and was there to greet her in the lunch room. The hugs I got, I hope I never forget. The smile at the surprise, was genuine. "Mom is here, Mom came like she promised." And even though her friends bugged me all through lunch asking me how to say things in French (how did we even get on that subject?) my girl was still happy I was there. When I had to go, she hugged me in front of all her friends.

      She doesn't care that I'm "MOM" (read with teenage embarrassment) now... I'm still her mommy. Life is about the little moments... I write them down in these verbose blogs because I want to remember them. I want my girls to know that as they grow older, that they will struggle with time too. They will feel like they're doing it all wrong sometimes, but I hope in all that they'll know 1) that mom truly cherished these little moments and 2) they should cherish their own little moments. And I hope (because I don't see this changing anytime soon) they'll realize mom was always a sniveling sappy mess. that just going to lunch and getting hugs was enough to make me a big cry baby.

    I got such a soulful enjoyment out of fulfilling her wish today, and hope that life is not so fleeting. I pray and hope that I can keep more promises, be there more often, and still be the best role model and person I can be. Thanks to God, I at least have a chance!