The Space Between

     We just learned about classical conditioning in my Persuasion class (just think Pavlov's Dog and you understand the concept) . As we become conditioned to stimuli we are actually capable of creating new responses to a response we've already conditioned (called high order conditioning). So in Pavlov's theory we condition the dog to salivate when it hears the bell, now it drools EVERY time it hears the bell and then we can teach it to beg for food every time it salivates (which doesn't seem like a bright idea but is still HOC).

Well I'm pretty sure that I've conditioned myself into a panic disorder with my calendar.

    A long time ago before I was a more responsible person, I didn't rely on a calendar but had an assortment of sticky notes everywhere to keep track of what I needed to do in a day. As I got busier, the sticky notes became inefficient and I switched to wall calendars. As my wall calendar became more inefficient, I switched to a portable calendar and finally when my schedule was too much to bear, I succumbed to using my cell phone because it will remind me of things with a beep (as long as I remember to put the information in).

   So I have conditioned myself to use a calendar: Have event * think calendar * write on calendar

    I am good with the calendar and every year when I get the new school calendar I block of important dates, birthdays, events 3 school schedules  (me and the 2 bebes), the hubby's big events and everything in between.

   But in the last 6 months I've noticed a strange condition pop up. Every time I see a blank space on my calendar I panic! "I SHOULD BE IN CLASS! We have an appointment? The kids have an event! Isn't someone coming over?"

"What?!..."

"We don't have ANYTHING to do?"

     And so the space between has started to scare me more than the stuff I have to do. I suppose the sentiment isn't new; I've always run on all cylinders, burned the candles at both ends, heavily involved, etc. But the fact that I can't walk by a calendar without feeling like I'm missing something IS new. Don't get me wrong, I'm not worried about it. I always find these things amusing once I figure them out. The hardest part is just going to be training myself all over again to recognize the calendar is JUST paper,

...and the only thing to fear from paper is paper cuts.