Slow fall through mud: hypothyroid reactions

It's been three days since I've had my thyroid medication. It's been five days since I've had my thyroid medication. It's been... I don't know how many days it's been since I've had my thyroid medication.

I am weary. I am sick. I am confused.

I don't understand why tonight had to be the night it tipped,but it did and I'm suffering. Thyroid malfunction is Hell. I haven't been paying attention to the signs but I guess it's been going on a couple of days: the inability to process thoughts completely, or at all. I feel like I must sound drunk when I talk to people about serious things. I can't quite make myself understood in the same way I can when I'm not low on my T's. It's slow, it's hard, it's tedious. I am wrong more often. I am forgetting... Trailing off... 

Lost.

I feel like my brow is heavy like lumpy clay formed into the face of some cro-magnon woman; shadows cast over my eyes by my own sagging forehead. My thoughts equally dull, grey, thick, depressed...

 I crave levity and fight myself for it. My thoughts scream to-do lists and reminders of important things. I am like a drill Sargent gagging on cotton balls, shoved into a padded room - through the sound chokers I still hear:

"You have to" , "you need to" , "you want to"

But the thoughts are caught in the net of a primitive body aching along like the moss stained limbs of a sloth, wet and heavy from the weight of its environment.

I am mad. I cannot fight so I cry. I hate the crying so I try to fight it... I can't beat it. Why can't they renew my thyroid medication? Why has it taken so long? Why can't they answer me? Why can't my prescription last longer than 30 days? Why so hard to refill? 

I miss the pharmacists that used to care for me when I was first diagnosed, they helped me. Things are different now. Why do I have to be broken?

I wouldnt have survived this long in natural selection... I guess I should be grateful.

I am tired but my mind is static. The static keeps me awake. 

I just want to explain myself. Nothing is wrong, this is normal. This is how it feels. Everything is wrong, nothing is okay. I can't take this much longer. This is how it feels. 

I hope tomorrow is better. Stressing is a trigger. So is sleeplessness. I wrote this as clearly as I could go depict the awful feelings of a low thyroid reaction... So that maybe when I seem a bit off, you'll know below the surfaces there's a lot more I'm fighting against. For now I've lost the energy to keep typing this.